At first, I really thought it was me.
No one warns you about this part—when sex starts to fade in a long-term relationship, especially in a marriage, it’s easy to go inward. I sure did. Is he bored? Is there someone else? Has porn replaced me? Am I just… not attractive anymore?
It was like playing emotional Clue. Colonel Mustard… with the porn… in the den.
Meanwhile, he was probably just a few feet away thinking: She must think I’m broken. Or not man enough. And when that kind of quiet panic sets in, a lot of men shut down.
It’s a painful mismatch: women often feel rejected, while men feel like failures. There’s even a term for it—a cycle of silence, where both people are hurting, but no one knows how to speak up due to shame, fear, or pride.1
At first, it was small stuff. He still hugged me. Still held my hand. But his kisses didn’t linger. He stopped initiating anything physical. And when I reached out? He pulled away.
I noticed. And I felt completely alone in it.
But I love this man. And I knew if I didn’t speak up, my brain would start inventing stories—ones that weren’t true or fair to either of us.
Why So Many Men Shut Down
58% of men don’t talk to their partners about sexual health concerns, often because of shame or discomfort.2 That was us, right there in real time.
Here’s the truth: erectile dysfunction (ED) is far more common than most people talk about. And it’s not just physical. It’s emotional. Psychological. Relational.
ED can result from treatable medical issues like diabetes, hypertension, or more complex cases such as spinal cord injury, or Peyronie’s disease.
Research shows ED often leads to anxiety, depression, shame, and conflict in relationships.3 While women may feel unwanted or insecure, their partners are often drowning in guilt, fear, or embarrassment.
And if no one talks about it? The emotional distance grows wider.
Men facing ED often withdraw emotionally—leading to a breakdown in trust, intimacy, and communication.
How Talking Changes Everything
If your relationship feels off—and you’re stuck in that awkward space of wondering how to fix it—you’re not alone. This happens all the time. And most couples don’t know how to start the conversation.
Here’s what actually helps:
Wait for the right moment
No tension. No distractions. Just a quiet evening where you both have space to breathe. Pro tip: Don’t bring it up during or right after sex (or a failed attempt).
Lead with honesty, not blame
“I miss feeling close to you” lands a lot better than “Why don’t you touch me anymore?”
Ditch the shame
ED isn’t a moral failure—it’s a medical issue. Like any health concern, it needs compassion, not judgment. As explained by Prof. Chris McMahon in Medicine Today, ED is often tied to treatable underlying conditions like diabetes, hypertension, or psychological stress.
Ask for help
Talking to a urologist specializing in men’s sexual health, seeing a therapist—even just researching ED treatments together—helped us feel like a team again.
Stop blaming
This isn’t a “him” issue or a “you” issue. It is an us thing. That mindset changes everything.
Rebuilding Connection – One Honest Conversation at a Time
This kind of open communication isn’t just feel-good fluff—it’s legitimately backed by science. Couples who talk openly about ED report way more emotional closeness and satisfaction in their relationships.4
Because love? It’s not about performance.
It’s about showing up—especially when it’s hard.